Grief Counseling
Have you experienced a recent loss in your life that has created profound pain?
· Recently lost a spouse, sibling, child or parent?
· Had a miscarriage and are feeling the loss of a pregnancy?
· Lost a pet that you adored?
· Are you going through the pain of a divorce, grieving the relationship you thought you had?
· Undergone a major life transition?
I came to know grief personally through the loss of my own father very unexpectedly. I was thankful to have a close, loving relationship with him. He showed me what it meant to persevere, work hard and overcome challenges in life. The experience of losing him shook me to my core more than any other in my lifetime. During that process I learned that grief represents our love for the person we lost, and the more we grieve the harder we loved. I remember looking for a place to put those emotions asking myself: Where do I go from here?
Over time I have learned the importance of keeping his legacy alive in ways that are memorable to me personally. I honor his legacy by playing music he listened to, teaching my child about him and bringing him up often in conversation. My family even still celebrates his birthday doing things he enjoyed!
So if you have experienced a recent loss, I get it. Loss transforms us forever but it leaves wisdom and maturity. And I would be honored to help you navigate your healing journey.
Grief and loss are some of the most painful emotions people will have to experience in their lives. People may feel fatigue, extreme sadness and emotions that may lead to isolation. Oftentimes people find it difficult to function in their everyday life following a loss.
Common emotions people experience when grieving are sadness, anger, regret and guilt. They may also feel disoriented and have difficulty focusing. The first few months in particular can feel like a fog with no way through or out.
Grief is the Natural Response to Loss
The unfortunate truth is we will all grieve at some point in our life span or have already experienced grief. Loss is an expected part of life and having an emotional reaction to it is normal and healthy.
Grief is our reaction to a loss. Whereas bereavement is experienced following the death of a loved one. Grief can show up after a divorce or a big change in our life, and does not necessarily have to mean we experienced someone passing away.
There Is No Wrong Way To Grieve
Many factors affect the way we grieve such as our cultural beliefs, our relationship with the person we lost, our past life experiences and our belief system. It’s common for people to judge how others are grieving, and even judge their own grief. We often have an idea of what we think grief should look like, and when it doesn’t resemble our image we judge overselves.
Grieving is a process that becomes a part of us. It gradually changes over time and the pain lessens but we are never the same person as before the loss. We have experienced something so heart-wrenching, that we cannot return to our former emotional self. This does not mean we will always feel sad, it simply means we have changed.
Most people have heard of the 5 stages of grief: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and Acceptance. It’s important to know and remember that people pass through these stages in different orders and experience some stages more than once. Grief is not linear and can look (and feel) chaotic!
Denial - Grief is an overwhelming emotion. It’s common to respond to these strong feelings by imagining the loss isn’t true. Denying it gives you time to more slowly absorb the news and begin to process it. This is a common defense mechanism and helps numb you to the intensity of the situation.
Anger – this is a masking effect. Anger hides many of the emotions and pain that you carry. Your anger may be redirected at other people, such as the person who died or a spouse. While your rational brain knows the object of your anger isn’t to blame, your feelings in that moment are too intense to recognize that.
Bargaining – Grief can leave us feeling very out of control and vulnerable. This stage often leads to “What If” statements in an attempt to regain control and feel powerful. It’s an effort to feel as though you can affect an outcome.
Depression – this is a quiet stage of grief. People describe this as a heavy feeling or being in a fog. Sometimes people assume this is where grievers get stuck but that is not true.
Acceptance – does not mean we accept the loss or are not longer grieving. We have simply come to terms with what has happened and how different our lives look in the aftermath of a huge loss. We have processed our emotions about the situation.
Grief Can Feel Like A Wave
When you are grieving, it’s common to feel emotions in waves. These emotional waves are often unexpected and confusing. Following a loss, waves of grief come quickly and frequently often knocking us off our feet. Simply hearing a loved one’s favorite song or smelling their perfume can cause a wave of grief to come out of nowhere. Grief can rock our very foundation and leave us feeling disoriented. Over time however the waves get smaller and further apart, so we can see them coming and be more prepared.
Grieving is not always constant. A person can feel completely normal one minutes and in tears the next. There are moments of joy that happen between moments of grief. This may cause feelings of guilt for some people but it’s nature’s way of allowing emotional breaks as we process our grief. These are the breaks between the waves.
How Can Grief Counseling Help?
The goals of grief counseling can be categorized into four main stages:
- Accept the reality of the loss
- Work through the discomfort of grief
- Adjust to life without the deceased
- Build a connection with the loved one you’ve lost while seeking ways to move forward with life
If you have read this far and feel grief counseling is something you want to try, please give me a call. I know it feels lonely, but you don’t have to walk through this season of life alone.
