Addiction is a complex disease. It robs families of their loved ones, as well as their own identity. Having a loved one who struggles with addiction can be overwhelming. Most friends and family members are unsure how to deal with the addict or the emotions that these dysfunctional relationships often create. The entire network of people surrounding an addict are typically behaving in unhealthy ways – these unhealthy behaviors contribute to keeping the addict stuck in their addiction.
Three things you can focus on if you find yourself facing a family member or friend who struggles with addiction are:
1. Putting boundaries in place
2. Practicing self-care
3. Educating yourself
Putting boundaries in place simply means creating limits for behaviors you choose not to tolerate. What this may look like is deciding that you will no longer support a loved one financially because they are using the money to fund their addiction. You may also decide that the addict is not allowed at family functions if they have been using drugs/alcohol, or until they gain sobriety. There are many ways you can place a healthy boundary between yourself and the addict, with the end goal being to protect yourself and stop any enabling behavior.
Practicing self-care is equally as important as creating boundaries. Oftentimes people who have addicts in their lives are emotionally depleted from focusing so much energy on either controlling the addict’s behavior or attempting to change it. This excessive focus on the other person can leave individuals feeling drained and disconnected from their own needs. It’s important to reclaim your independence and take care of yourself. By practicing self-care you can begin to see that an addict owns all of their behaviors and you are powerless to control them. This can provide a sense of freedom and hopefully lessen the burden of codependency.
Lastly, educating yourself on the disease of addiction can be incredibly eye-opening. There is so much information readily available for those who are interested. The more you learn about addiction and further understanding your role in the process, the greater chance for change. By changing your behavior patterns and interactions with the addict, you can begin to move in an emotionally healthy direction. A great deal of information is accessible for family members and friends of addicts, which educates people on the dynamics of addiction (i.e., how it starts, why it continues, and what actions you can take). By making these three changes, you can reclaim your life and model self-respect to those around you.
