Everybody feels anger at different times. It’s part of being human. Feelings of anger can arise in many different situations. A couple of examples might be not getting your way or being criticized. While this emotion is a normal part of being human, it doesn’t feel good to regret actions or words that may have come from an angry place, so it is beneficial to learn effective ways to manage your anger. Anger does have a purpose because it is our body’s alert system when something important needs our attention. Unfortunately, anger can trigger us to unimportant needs too. And there are people whose anger is often out of control. By understanding what’s at the core of this emotion, people can more effectively address its underlying causes.
Many people are unaware that anger is actually a secondary emotion. A primary emotion, like fear or sadness, can often be found as the root emotions when someone examines the reasons they are angry. Fear includes things like worry and concern, and sadness comes from the experience of loss, frustration or discouragement.
I’ll give you an example. My most recent feelings of anger happened when a car pulled out in front of me unexpectedly causing me to slam on my brakes. I felt certain this person was just another careless driver and felt so much irritation towards them. However, when I really analyzed my feelings of anger, I found that underneath that emotion I was feeling fear. My heart was racing and I was scared to death that I narrowly avoided a car wreck.
The reason that anger occurs is often because it is masking a deeper feeling. People often avoid feelings of sadness or fear because these are uncomfortable feelings. These emotions can make you feel vulnerable and weak. In an effort to avoid feeling that way, people subconsciously move into anger mode. Anger can provide an enormous feeling of control and power over vulnerability or helplessness. Basically, anger can be a way of building a disguise of control and power when someone feels vulnerability and doubt.
Next time you’re feeling anger pause for a moment to check in with yourself and see if you can recognize the main emotion behind your anger. Examine your thoughts, as those are what drive all emotions. The change from a primary emotion like fear or sorrow into anger mode is usually quick and unconscious so it may take some effort to determine where the root cause of the anger lies. Feeling anger may be a deep-rooted pattern for you, which means that it can take more time to detect the deeper thoughts and feelings underneath. By working with the fear and/or sadness you can address the deeper issue that needs resolution.
